Keith's Letter
by Ebhenah
Summary: SPOILERS FOR S07 Commander Holt is leaving for Earth soon and all the Paladins are sending video messages to their loved ones back home, even Keith. Shades of Klance.


Shiro gestured to a chair, "have a seat, Sam. I can get us drinks, if you like?"

"Actually, I really shouldn't stay. I'm leaving tomorrow and…"

"And you want to spend the time with your children, of course," Shiro smiled reassuringly, "I would be doing the same thing."

"Yes… that is related to why I am here. It is about the videos. Keith made one. For Adam. I think perhaps, you should watch it. Now- I have not spoken to Keith about it, so you might decide to do that first. It's your call. I just wanted you to have the opportunity. He's so…"

"Yes, he is," Shiro nodded, "thanks. I will think on it."

"Right. Good. Good. I will collect it in the morning, then. And- I wanted to say, about Matt and Katie-"

"Sam- stop. I didn't do anything," he shook his head, "it was all them… and even if I had. They are family. That's not ever changing. Now, go be with your kids. We're good." He smiled warmly at his former crewmate, tugging him into a quick hug at the door, "I have always admired you, Sir."

Sam smiled, "and now they admire you. Full circle. I am very proud to think I had even a small role in helping to shape you into the leader you are." He pressed the recording into Shiro's hand just as Keith turned the corner. "Keith," he said with a soft smile.

"Sir," Keith replied, his eyes flicking to Shiro's face. "I saw Pidge and Matt heading down to the hangars. Did you need someone to show you how to find them?"

"No, that's fine Keith. Thank-you." He made his exit as unobtrusively as possible.

"I'll only watch this if you give me the go ahead, Keith," Shiro said softly, "and I never would have without your permission regardless."

"I know that," Keith answered, "I know that was about Sam wanting to help you." He sighed, "I just…"

"You don't have to explain, Keith. You have every right to reach out to Adam."

"There were things I didn't want to leave unsaid, that's all," Keith answered, "you don't know everything, but it isn't like a secret or anything. If you watch the video, you'll know, and I won't have to spell it all out again. I am fine with you watching it."

"Are you SURE?" Shiro pressed.

"Yes. I just don't want to be around when you watch it, ok?"

Shiro nodded, forgoing a hug in favor of a gentle shoulder punch. "I might find you later. Cool?"

Keith nodded, smiling nervously before continuing along the path that had brought him here in the first place. Shiro ducked back into his quarters and cued up the video before he lost his nerve. The image flared to life. Keith looking everywhere but the camera as he cleared his throat and got situated.

"Hi A-bop. Hopefully, you are getting to see this. I don't know how picky the Garrison is going to be about clearance and stuff. But, I guess you are still my next-of-kin so, I am hoping. Ugh, that's stupid. Why would I even say that? Either you are seeing this, and I am an idiot. Or you're not and I am more of an idiot. Sorry. Sorry. I am bad at this."

Video Keith rubbed his face and took a deep breath. Shiro couldn't help the wistful smile, he seemed younger, more awkward… in that way you let yourself be with family when you didn't trust anyone else.

"Let's try this again. I wanted to say I am sorry. For everything. I am sorry for the fights and the arguments… and for taking off like that. I am sorry I blamed you. God, Adam, I am SO SORRY I blamed you. You didn't deserve that. I wish I could hug you, tell you I am sorry for real- like face to face. You taught me that men look someone in the eye when they are asking forgiveness. I can't do that, but I want you to know I remember. Just like I remember that trick you taught me for making military corners on my bed. I still do that, every day, and every time, I think about you teaching me. I miss you."

There was a pause. The young man on the screen looked like he was steeling himself for something.

"Shiro came home from Kerberos. He was on earth. I dragged him back into this mess. I didn't mean to, but I did. I know you guys weren't on the best of terms when he left, but you guys loved each other, and you were GOOD together. I feel like… if he'd been able to stay, you guys could work through it, and you didn't get the chance to try because of me. So, I am sorry for that, too. I am still pissed at you for that 'me or the job' bullshit you pulled- and don't tell me that's not what you said, it's what you meant- but I'm sorry. I am really really sorry. I live with that every day. "

Keith wiped at his eyes, looking up and blinking several times as his breathe shuddered in and out. It was visibly difficult for him to be doing this, the stress of it clear in every movement, every posture, every word.

"I should, um, probably tell you a bit about what's going on with me, huh? Okay. So, I am on a team. I am a pilot, we are called Paladins of Voltron, and I'm sure you are going to hear all about that from Sam, so I will tell you the other stuff. I also work with a resistance group called the Blades of Marmora. We? They? Doesn't matter- we do infiltration, information gathering, tactical strikes. I really enjoy it- almost as much as flying. I am good at it, too. And… I dunno, they seem to think more like me. Like, they make more sense to me than most people do. I am doing well with them. Shiro seems pleased. No. Shiro seems proud. I think he's proud of the work I am doing, and how I am able to work with… uh… people that aren't him or you, I guess. That includes the Voltron team- not just the Blades."

Now the teen on the video looked like a kid bringing home a good report card and it warmed something that had gone chilly within Shiro. Keith was doing well. Not only that, Keith RECOGNIZED that he was doing well and felt confident saying so to Adam. That felt like a big deal.

"I just realized! You probably taught some of the team back at the Garrison. First, there's Pidge- she's in Green, she's this amazing hacker and tech wizard. She's TINY, too. Like- yay high, but she is scary good in a fight and she doesn't back down, from like anything. Pidge Gunderson. If she was your student, that's how you'd know her. But- she's Matt's little sister. Matt's tougher, ballsier, more rebellious little sister. I've seen him, too. Matt. He's different. Harder. He's been through a lot. He's still all brainy and stuff, but… not the same. But Pidge? Pidge is rock solid."

"Then, there's Hunk. Big, solid guy, wears a head band for some reason. He was in some of my classes, but I didn't really know him before… here… Voltron. He makes sure we eat, and that we laugh and don't just become all about the job 24/7. He flies Yellow. I don't think he ever expected to see combat, but he doesn't let that get in the way in a fight. He amazes me, though- EVERYBODY likes him. I mean EVERYBODY. We meet all these aliens, from planets and cultures that are completely different and without fail, Hunk makes everyone trust him and love him. He always knows the exact right thing to say. I don't know how he does it, I wish I was a tenth of how good he is with people. He watches out for us."

Warm admiration was battling with reassurance on Keith's face. It had never occurred to him that Keith might be a little in awe of Hunk's ease with people, but it made sense. Shiro knew how frustrated Keith got with himself when he stumbled socially, and he knew that it was something that Adam had been specifically trying to help him with. So, of course Adam would be the one that he'd open up to about that- even if it was just the hope of Adam seeing a video from the far reaches of space. On the screen, Keith's face changed, dozens of conflicting expressions flashing over his features in an instant. His whole demeanor changed. Just from that alone, Shiro knew what was coming. Already he was visibly agitated, shifting, fidgeting. He opened his mouth to start speaking several times, each time huffing and scowling and snapping his mouth shut, obviously trying to figure out where to start. His eyes were bright, cheeks flushed- the kid that usually kept himself distant and detached was 100% fully engaged and it was clear that he had NO idea how to cope.

"And then… Lance. This guy. Oh my god, Adam. YOU would love this guy. He thinks he is so funny- he's not! But he thinks he is. The worst jokes. Like all the time. Just… they are so bad, Adam. Soooo bad. Worse than Shiro's jokes. WORSE?! Just… HOW? And he talks. All. The. Time. I don't know how he has so many things to say. Like this constant narration. He makes himself sound like an idiot- and sometimes, I think he is doing it on purpose. WHY? Why would you deliberately make yourself sound dumb? And then there is the flirting. The cheezy lines. The smarmy grin. Finger guns! Finger. Guns! Every day- flirt with the Princess, finger guns, smarmy smile. Flirt with the random alien girl, smarmy smile, finger guns. Flirt with PIDGE, for some reason, finger guns, cheezy line, smarmy smile. He does it to his LION! What the hell IS that? It's a robot! I mean, sure we all have bonds with the Lions, because… you know… Voltron- but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy flirt with the Lion?! It makes no sense. He makes no sense. None. Oh! And he's decided that he's my rival! For what, you might ask? Well, you'd have to ask HIM, because I have NO IDEA! But somehow, SOMEHOW I end up in these weird contests with him over like nothing. He just randomly declares that this is something I am not allowed to be better at and the next thing I know, I am crashing Red into the surface of a planet, or drinking disgusting alien juice and he's glaring at me. Just WHY? Why is he even like that? And the Princess- oh my god, Adam- you should see him with the Princess. She's… I'll tell you about her in a minute. But he moons over her. It's sad, is what it is. When she's around it is all finger guns and lines and like, eyebrow waggles and- ugh. But it's not like it stops when she's NOT around. Then it is all 'Allura this' and 'the Princess that' and 'Allura says' and just 'Allura, Allura, Allura'. I get it. She's pretty and smart and brave, or whatever. Just stahhhhp already. It is impossible to think around him. He won't shut up and he NEVER stops moving- unless he's SUPPOSED to be moving, then he doesn't want to move. I can't think. I seriously cannot THINK when he's around. And the kicker? He's not even that much of an idiot. Arrgh! Like- he has GOOD ideas. Tactically sound ideas NO ONE else comes up with. He remembers the most random things about people and stuff. Like- this one time, he just SHOWED UP at my door and handed me a milkshake because Hunk had found something that tasted kind of like bananas and he remembered that back at the Garrison I used to get banana pudding with my lunch. We have a cow. Her name is Kaltenecker. Sometimes we have milkshakes. It's not important. But who remembers that stuff? And he's an amazing shot. Like, scary good. Best marksman we've got. And he can fight, too. The only time I feel safer on a mission is when Shiro's got my back. So, why does he seem to want everyone to think he is as dumb as a bag of hammers? I don't get it. I just don't get it. The way he acts- EVERYONE should hate him… but they don't! Pidge and Hunk think he's the best thing since… I dunno.. Something everyone loves. He's CLEARLY Coran's favorite human. Coran is an Altean who we work with, I'll tell you about him, too. Shiro thinks he's funny… because of COURSE he does- half his jokes sound like something Shiro would say! The Princess doesn't even glare at him when he feeds her those stupid lines anymore. He makes no sense, Adam. None! He. Makes. No. Sense. He wears this cold cream stuff that makes him smells like… cinnamon, and vanilla, and… oceans, somehow- to bed! This is a WAR! What even IS that?"

Shiro had to pause the video there, because he could barely see through the tears, could barely breathe. He was laughing so hard. The video had started out so poignant and tender and bittersweet. Keith wasn't a talker. Never was. But Adam had had a knack for triggering this kind of stream of consciousness venting in people. He'd lost track of how many times a clearly troubled, taciturn Keith had stomped and slammed his way through the house, refusing to speak about whatever was bugging him until they all sat down to eat and Adam would say something totally innocuous and normal and Keith would let loose with a torrent of words. Every tiny confusion and irritation of the day would come pouring out of his mouth, and Adam would just sit there, silent and warm, and listen until it petered out. Then, without fail, he'd go to Keith, wrap him in a hug, muss his hair and thank him for trusting him with it. Adam was why Shiro hadn't worried about Keith when he left for Kerberos- because even though they'd split up, he knew that Keith wasn't alone. It seemed, even after all this time, just the thought of Adam was enough to make Keith spill every little thing that was on his mind… and oh, god, did the kid have it bad. It wasn't a surprise, Shiro was front row center on the whole dynamic between the two younger Paladins. He saw how they interacted, he knew them both, he witnessed the tension between them first hand. But Keith. Sweet, clueless Keith had never spoken of it with him, and now it was clear that at least PART of the reason was that Keith literally had no idea that he was in love with Lance… and the whole thing was just. So, so, so human and innocent and SWEET that it gave him hope… even if he did have to laugh- in the privacy of his own quarters with NO chance of it ever getting back to Keith- at the MONUMENTAL levels of denial and rationalization Keith was using to avoid seeing the truth.

It took a few minutes before he was ready to start the video again, his breathing returning to normal and the laughter finally receding. He hadn't ever considered that Lance had the same sense of humor as he did, but now that it was brought to his attention, he could see it. He often found the young Paladin funny, and a lot of his other jokes were ones he WOULD have have funny when he was younger. And Keith was right, Adam would really like Lance. He hadn't really thought about that, either. He had pretty much done everything possible to ignore the mere existence of Adam since he'd boarded for Kerberos, and he was starting to see that he didn't really have that luxury. He might not want to think about his ex, and they might be totally reasonable and healthy reasons… but he and Adam had forged a family with Keith, and it was clear that he'd dropped the ball in respecting that Adam was important to Keith, too. He started the video again, expecting Keith to move on to discussing Allura, or himself. He was surprised, because Keith was apparently not done talking about Lance.

"So frustrating… Sometimes I really wish you were here, though. I miss talking to you, but sometimes… sometimes I worry about him. Lance. He's really homesick. I mean, I guess everyone is, but he brings it up more than they others… and he gets this… like… shadow. I don't know. It reminds me of how Shiro used to look when the medical stuff was getting to him, and you used to be really good at making that… shadow look… go away. I don't know how to do that, and the thing is- I don't think anyone else has even noticed that it happens."

He looked so scared and young on that screen in that moment, his heart broke a little for him. Shiro knew that it bothered Keith that navigating socially was hard for him- despite the fact that he acted like it was nothing.

"Anyway. Allura. Well, Princess Allura, although I'm not sure her title means much anymore. I don't want to talk to much about the alien stuff, because I don't want this to get all redacted. She's… pretty cool actually. Kinda bossy- which makes sense. Princess and everything. But she's kind, too, and tough. She's got a temper… almost as bad as mine, now that I think about it. She's very focused, very stubborn, smart. Coran, the other Altean, was friends with her parents, and their close. They spend a lot of time together, but she spends time with us, too. She and Shiro work together a lot, and I think they really like each other. She's… I don't know. I like her and all, but… I guess I just don't see what all the fuss is about."

He shifted in his seat, pushing a hand through his hair, which immediately fell right back into his eyes.

"Ummm.. Coran is… what's the word you used to use. Campy? Very… kind of like big gestures and boomy voice and has a story for everything. But- he's also really creative and smart. He keeps the big ship we all live on running pretty much single-handedly and he's the one that knows all the little random bits of information we need to keep going. Plus, when Allura is in Blue, he is the one piloting the Castle ship. There are also these weird Altean mice who are, like, smart? I don't even know how to explain them. I think that is everyone really, other than the obvious. So, let's do it this way. I am good. I am… kind of happier here than I was on Earth. I am doing work I feel like I am good at and it matters. I have a team, and they are my friends. It feels weird to say, but yeah, I have friends. I fit better here than I did back home. I am as safe as anyone could be, I guess. I am sorry for the way things went between us after Shiro left. I am sorry for the nasty things I said during those fights- I was hurt and scared and I lashed out. I miss you. You are like the only thing I miss about home. Anything you might want to apologize to me about, consider it forgiven. Sitting here right now, I can't even think of anything I should be mad about. Not even the biggie. You and me, as far as I am concerned? We're good. I love you A-Bop, thanks for everything. I hope I get to say all this to your face… maybe over one of your weird hybrid dinners with like country fried steak and a side of california roll and kimchi. But yeah. I'm sorry. I love you. I miss you. We're cool. Now…. I don't know if you want to hear about Shiro, so, I am going to go quiet and if you don't you can turn this off now. If you do, just wait it out."

He went quiet for a long moment clearly planning out his next words. The tears were back, silently rolling down his cheeks- unchecked this time. Then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and spoke, his voice a little rough.

"Shiro's been through a lot. He was tortured after Kerberos. He's got a chunk of white hair in the front and a scar across his face… here.. From one cheekbone to the other. He's probably got others, I haven't really looked. He's… not the same, not really. I mean, in a lot of ways he is, but he seems way older now, and when he gets goofy it's just for a couple of minutes at a time. I don't know, he's just, like a bit darker, a bit more serious. But he's still really driven and patient and strong and brave- all the bits that made him HIM are there, it's just like they kind of shifted somehow. He's dealing with a lot of just stuff, I know, but it's pretty clear he has PTSD. They took his arm. His right arm. He has a robotic one, and he's like good with it- working it and stuff. He doesn't talk about it. I know he sometimes has nightmares or gets like- flashes. I think knowing that the Holts are alive helped a lot. He's a good leader, that didn't change. He watches out for us, and he's pretty close with the whole team… but he has a soft spot for Matt's little sister that's kind of cute. So, medical stuff up here is a totally different ballgame. There are these pods and yeah, it's a whole thing. When we got here, we all got like scanned, and they paid extra attention to Shiro because of the whole arm thing. I snuck a peek at the files, after. It's gone, Adam. Completely gone. Other than like injuries, he's totally, completely healthy. So… I don't know, maybe that can be like a silver lining about all this? It's probably not my place to say, it might not be your business… but, I feel like you'd worry about that- how he is feeling, if he can still fly, all that stuff. But he's ok. He's not dying anymore. So, I guess that's it. This got really long, sorry. I didn't realize I had so much to say. Just… don't worry about us, okay? We're watching out for each other. I've got his six. He's got mine. You just keep yourself safe."

The video blinked off, and Shiro stared at the the screen for several long moments, digesting everything he'd seen. He dropped the video off with the Holts and swung by Keith's room.

"Hey," Keith was just sitting on his bed, "you watched it?"

He nodded, moving to sit beside him, "I did, all the way to the end."

"It's long."

Shiro nodded, "kind of. He'll appreciate that. It was good. I think you summed everyone up pretty well." He reached out and pulled Keith into a long, tight hug, then mussed his hair, "thank-you for trusting me with all that."


End file.
